


springtime smells sweetest (like your honeyed love and sunny smile)

by the_joxters



Category: Moominvalley (Cartoon 2019), Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-30 09:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19850089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_joxters/pseuds/the_joxters
Summary: Short story on Snufkin and Moomintroll.Snufkin didn't realize just how fucked he is.





	springtime smells sweetest (like your honeyed love and sunny smile)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [planetariian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/planetariian/gifts).



> Snufkin’s arc is going to be about being able to love others. Not only romantically, but platonically as well. He needs to realize that people are not material possessions and friends are not limited. He needs to learn to accept love from others and learn to express it meaningfully (this does NOT mean the same way everyone else does).
> 
> Moomintroll’s arc is also about accepting love and not pushing so hard for it to be returned. He’s easily excited and incredibly attached to people, mainly Snufkin. He needs to learn to be more independent. 
> 
> Snufkin grew up alone, a nomad, relying only on himself and now refuses to rely on anyone else for anything. Moomintroll, in comparison, grew up with two parents that doted on him night and day. He doesn’t really know how to be independent and sure of himself.
> 
> Not all of this is reflected in the fic, but it’s important. 

Moomintroll holds up his finished flower crown. “Ta da! You can put around your… uh, hat cone, and it’ll stay on.” He freezes. “If you  _ want _ .”

Snufkin holds back his laugh. “Thank you, Moomintroll.” He leans forward and bows his head down a bit so Moomintroll could put it on. 

“Anything for you,” Moomintroll says easily, already leaning another way to pick other flowers, as if he  _ didn’t _ just make Snufkin’s heart stutter. 

He can’t help the tiny smile on his face. 

  
  


Moomintroll tugs on Snufkin’s hand. “Come on, come  _ on _ ! They’re about to start, Snufkin!”

“I’m coming!” Snufkin holds the brim of his hat with his free hand. “I doubt we’ll miss much anyway, it lasts for so long.” The sun disappeared less than thirty minutes ago. Snufkin is certain they won’t miss anything. 

Moomintroll excitedly lays out a blanket Moominmama gave them and sits down, ears perked, leaning back on his hands. “Oh, they’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

Snufkin doesn’t answer. He doesn’t think he needs to; Moomintroll is already wide-eyed and staring at the glowing spots by the beach, where the fireflies are dancing with one another. He remembers Moominmama and Moominpapa telling them about the display when the Groke had come by, and the look he and Moomintroll shared when they realized the ‘fireflies’ were their lanterns, luring away the Groke. 

He remembers Moomintroll asking him if he wanted to come watch them tonight, since now was when the fireflies would  _ actually _ come to the beach. He remembers saying yes because how could he say  _ no _ ? How could he ever say  _ no _ to Moomintroll?

Snufkin doesn’t like being sappy, but he spends more time watching Moomintroll’s face than he does the fireflies. Lucky for him, Moomintroll doesn’t notice.

  
  
  


“Is that my boat?”

Snufkin’s head snaps towards Moomintroll. “Oh. Yes.”

Moomintroll is holding it in both hands. “You kept it? After I left it in the pond?”

Snufkin crosses his arms defensively. “Well, yes. Why would I not? It was yours. I didn’t want it to get ruined, that’s just a waste.”

“Sure, sure, of course,” Moomintroll says, and he has the little half-smile that annoys Snufkin to no end because he’s so smug. “Why did you keep my shell, then?”

“What?”

“My shell,” Moomintroll repeats, holding out a shell the size of a mango. “I gave this to you on the beach a year ago. I remember it was this one because it has splotches of pink and blue.”

“I don’t know,” Snufkin says. 

He’s not sure what he’s feeling. Embarrassment? Fear? Anger? And  _ why _ ? Embarrassed by what Moomintroll is implying, of course, but that shouldn’t make him angry or  _ scared _ .

“You hate keepsakes,” Moomintroll says. He’s smiling in the way that Snufkin knows he’s being teased. “Yet you kept  _ my _ shell and  _ my _ boat.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Sure,” Moomintroll says, and he continues on with what he was talking about before. Snufkin twists his hands, upset by his own sentimentality. 

  
  


_ You can’t ever be really free if you admire someone too much, believe me, I know! _

Snufkin hadn’t known why he said that to Teety Woo when he said it, but he understands it now. He admires Moomintroll. He  _ loves _ Moomintroll. It had him feeling caged sometimes, trapped in love, unable to be free. It made him scared. It made his winter travels so much more important than they had been. 

He turns over on his side to see the slow rise and fall of Moomintroll’s chest, shifting under the sleeping bag. He thinks about how lovestruck he would look if he had a mirror. 

(Maybe he doesn’t  _ want _ “true” freedom.)

The words are out of Snufkin’s mouth before he can  _ stop _ and  _ think _ and hold them in. “I’m stupid in love with you.”

Moomintroll’s ears straighten and he looks almost surprised by Snufkin’s outburst. 

Snufkin swallows, throat dry. “I just… wanted you to know. Even if I don’t say it a lot. I want you to know there’s no doubt. No matter what.”

“I know,” Moomintroll says, and he smiles. “You’re not really the type to say ‘I love you’ with words, though. At least not often.”

“I needed to say it at least once.”

“I understand,” Moomintroll says. “Trust me, I don’t hold it against you. You say ‘I love you’ in a different way than I do, Snufkin, and that doesn’t make it any less meaningful.”

“Oh.”

Moomintroll looks uneasy. “I mean- that’s okay, right? I didn’t- I don’t want you to feel like you have to say it. I know you don’t- earthly bonds, or something-”

Snufkin says quietly, “Thank you.”

There’s silence for a moment. “I love you,” Moomintroll says.

Snufkin takes Moomintroll’s hand and gives it a squeeze, smiling softly at him. 

To Moomintroll, it’s the exact same as if he’d said ‘I love you, too.’

  
  


“You aren’t as good as hiding your feelings as you think you are,” Little My says.

Snufkin glares at her. “I don’t have any feelings to hide.” He hooks a piece of bait to his fishing pole. 

Little My rolls her eyes dramatically and sits down on the grass next to him. “Let me rephrase, then. You aren’t as good at hiding your feelings  _ from me _ as you think you are.”

“Everyone already knows about me and Moomintroll, so I don’t know what you mean.” Snufkin pretends to be busy organizing his bait. “It’s not a secret.” 

(It’s just embarrassing to think that everyone knows, everyone knows that Snufkin likes Moomintroll, maybe they even think he loves him, when did Snufkin let so many people know about his feelings-)

“Moomintroll told me about how he wants to go with you this winter. Traveling, seeing new places. And you said no.”

“I said no,” Snufkin agrees. His gut clenches.

“Why?”

“If you’re so good at reading my feelings, why don’t you tell me?” Snufkin looks back at her and frowns. “You’re especially annoying today.”

“That’s my job, to annoy my baby brother.”

“I’m not a  _ baby _ -”

“To me and the Mymble’s Daughter, you are.” She sticks her tongue out at him. “So, why don’t you want Moomintroll with you?”

Snufkin’s shoulders slump. “Why are you pestering me?”

“Despite what you and Moomintroll think, I really do try to help you sometimes.” She leans over and flicks his shoulder. “You don’t want him coming because you’re so scared of attachments. But people aren’t ‘worldly possessions,’ Snufkin. You don’t have to keep your time with your friends to a minimum.”

Snufkin doesn’t answer her for a moment. “Thank you for the psychoanalysis.”

“Anytime,” she says, smirking, standing up to leave. Snufkin breathes out a heavy sigh, annoyed because he really  _ is _ bad at hiding what he feels from her.

  
  


Snufkin swallows the lump in his throat, glancing around. He feels the same way he did when he left to wage a war on the park keeper. Trapped. And horribly, uncomfortably  _ vulnerable _ . 

_ It’s Moominmama’s birthday, _ he thinks.  _ I can’t just leave. _

He tugs at his scarf. Cool air hits his neck.  _ I want to leave. I need space. I need to be alone. _

Moomintroll has gone off somewhere and Snufkin isn’t sure how much longer he can handle being here. He wants to tell Moomintroll before he leaves. 

He sees Moomintroll wading through people, and he relaxes, which almost angers him. When did he become so reliant on Moomintroll?

“Hey, Snufkin,” Moomintroll says, but his smile drops off his face when he sees Snufkin’s expression. “Are you all right?”

“No,” Snufkin says tightly. 

Much to his surprise, Moomintroll says, “Do you want to leave the party?”

“I-”  _ Yes.  _ “Um, yes.”

“Okay,” Moomintroll says easily. “But you’ll be back soon?”

Snufkin almost says  _ of course, how could I stay away from you for long? _ “You aren’t upset?”

“Of course not,” Moomintroll says. “I used to be, when you’d just leave and I would have no idea when you’d come back.” (Snufkin feels a twinge of guilt and forces it down, knowing Moomintroll didn’t mean to sound malicious or petty.) “But I get it now. Sometimes you  _ need _ to be alone, and that’s not something I can- or should- fix.”

Snufkin blinks several times. The memory of My, blasted sister she is, talking about his winter trip is suddenly sharp and vivid. 

He finds himself saying, “Will you come with me?”

Moomintroll looks surprised. “To leave the party?”

“No. Well, yes. But also traveling south. During the winter. Will you come with me?” Snufkin steadies himself, still uncomfortable near so many people, and he didn’t know how many could hear him. He tugs on Moomintroll’s arm, towards the forest, where he wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed.

“I thought you went alone,” Moomintroll says, still bewildered, but allowing Snufkin to pull him away from the party. “You need to. You- it’s important for you to be alone.”

“Well, yes- how am I supposed to remember how much I care about you if I don’t spend all winter missing you?”

Moomintroll makes a strangled noise. “Are you- did you  _ drink _ something? Let me smell your pipe!”

“What? No! I’m being- I’m being genuine. And open.” And it feels so  _ raw _ , admitting it, like it’s the worst thing he could be doing. “I’m a Mumrik, Moomintroll, and I need to travel. But I don’t have to travel  _ alone _ … and you don’t  _ have _ to hibernate.”

Snufkin’s heart is about to burst from his chest.  _ Please say yes. Please come with me. I don’t want to be alone all winter. _

“Will you still have bouts where you need to be alone?” Moomintroll asks. 

“Yes,” Snufkin says simply. “But that’s… unavoidable. I wish it wasn’t, but I-”

“Okay,” Moomintroll interrupts. “I want to go.”

Snufkin blinks. “Really?”

“Of course. Snufkin-” Moomintroll rubs his eyes, like he’s frustrated. “You’re always going to need to be alone sometimes, the same way I need to be with people. You’re a vagabond, and I’m a herd animal. We have different social needs.”

“If a fish and a bird fell in love, where would they make their home?” Snufkin murmurs, looking down at the dirt. His eyes widen.  _ I said ‘fell in love.’ _

(It was terrifying for him to realize he  _ is _ , in fact, in love with Moomintroll- more than he could have ever predicted.)

Moomintroll doesn’t notice, just continues. “But I think- I think I love you so much, I’d do anything for you. And it scares me.”

Snufkin can’t say the words, not completely, not when he already feels so exposed and open. “It scares me, too,” he whispers, like someone else is listening. “More than- more than I’d like to admit.”

He can see what he really  _ means _ dawning on Moomintroll’s face, and he  _ smiles _ like nothing Snufkin’s ever seen in all his travels. Moomintroll’s eyes are shining with newfound light.  _ I love you, too, _ Snufkin had said, and  _ I love you more than I can say, _ he had admitted. 

“So, you want me to come with you? On your winter travels?”

“Yes,” Snufkin says certainly. “I do. I really do.”

(Snufkin isn’t sure what he’s feeling. His gut is twisted and his throat feels too heavy, but he’s thankful Moomintroll will come with him. This is a novel feeling, the warmth in his lungs, but maybe it’s time to welcome it instead of extinguishing it.)

“You should help me pack,” Moomintroll says. “I mean- I have a lot of things with sentimental value, you know? I need help figuring out what I really should bring. Will you help me?”

“Of course,” Snufkin replies, and he lets Moomintroll excitedly tug his arm towards the Moomins’ house, chattering about the things he was so excited to see. Snufkin can’t force the smile off his face. 

Maybe strong attachments to other people aren’t so bad.


End file.
